A few years back now, I was seeing this guy who introduced me to chastity. I had been thoroughly against locking up my cock for some guy out of fear of something happening and needing to be let out right away. He let me keep a key and just try it out. Even though I didn't last very long in it the first time around and feared that first sleepless night and ball pain, my interest grew.
Cut to later and us no longer together, but the interest never waning. He moved out of state, but we keep in touch time to time. He was going to be in town back in June, and wanted to see me. He confessed his fantasy to me of locking me up on his visit and doing other things. I'll spare the drama, but there was no part of me that wanted to be a sub bitch to him after all we had went through. Though he introduced me to chastity, for long-term wear - I tried it with a dom once for a few hours, we didn't reach a dom/sub level and were more on the path towards dating. I felt completely insulted that he would want me to do that and felt like he only saw me in that way and only wanted to use me for sex. That's apparently not the case and he wanted to be part of my life in anyway. Then it switched to not being able to just be friends. Odd since we only had oral sex once or twice in our 6 months of hanging out and never fucked! Now, suddenly it had to be sexual with a whole country between us?
Fast forward to a month or so ago. I guess i was just in a really lonely place or really horny and craved someone both as a boyfriend and as a dom. I started to think about him and how maybe I could let him hold my key again. Maybe I could get over myself and whatever it was that was holding me back to go there with him. Unfortunately, this would be another situation where we wouldn't be able to see each other often and he's a horrible communicator. What? I'd be locked up for six months in between seeing him? I reached out to him around that time, but never told him how I was feeling. I just wanted to see how a normal conversation would go and if he would bring it up. I think he learned from the last asshole I ripped him about asking me for anything sexual without establishing a solid base of friendship or something to start from. Can't go from 0-60 like that.
Now I'm glad I never said anything and that he didn't either. it has no feasible way of working. If he was still living in town then MAYBE. Just MAYBE it would be possible to slowly step into that. I still don't know if I could even sub to him or be a sub boyfriend. I'd want more respect from my boyfriend, though, I suppose it's possible to have respect and still be a sub. Part of me wants a disrespectful dom to humiliate me and whore me out, though, and a boyfriend shouldn't be like that. Can I have the best of both worlds? Can I maybe have an open relationship with a vanilla guy and a Master on the side? Or even a kinky boyfriend and a Master who takes me to those degrading levels? I'd need to find one or the other first and then go from there I suppose. What should I do about the ex?
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